The Day Has Come

I feel as if I have been to a funeral. I'm not sure in my 47 years I have ever felt so helpless as I did when the buses pulled away from the barracks this afternoon. My son is officially on his way to Iraq for his first, and hopefully his last, tour of duty. I would have gladly taken his place if there had been any way possible.

My oldest son had to leave around 3 so he could get to work on time so he told Patrick he had to go and to be careful. They hugged each other for several minutes, both crying and clinging to each other. I had to walk away. I had tried so hard to keep things together for Patrick's sake but that was more than I could take.

My sons loved each other so much when they were young, but as they grew up and got older, the competitions kicked in and they began to grow apart. Daniel, being the oldest, always did things first. He was the first to be able to play sports, thus putting Patrick in his shadow. Daniel was very good at anything he attempted and this put Patrick at a disadvantage having to fill the shoes of his older brother.

The year Patrick graduated from high school, they began to like each other again and their bond is one that will never be broken. It is such a joy for me to see them together and enjoying their time together.

Anyway, after he left it was all I could do to keep the tears from falling. But when the commanding officer yelled, "Formation" I got sick to my stomach. He hugged everyone and we all had our turn at crying on his shoulder and he on ours. There are not words to describe what I felt when I watched my son walk away with an M-16 attached to his body.

We got one more chance for hugs and tears before he had to get on the bus. He was on the first bus of 4, so it took a little while for all the buses to load. Once they were loaded, I watched the doors close and my heart sunk to my feet.

But nothing, NOTHING, will compare to the sick feeling I got and the crack that sprang through my heart when his bus began to move forward. As each bus began to move, you could see mothers and girlfriends and wives crumble in the arms of those who may have been a little stronger than those of us who were not. I will see those buses go around that curve for many weeks to come.

His agenda is uncertain at this point, as far as the military is concerned, but my agenda has just begun. Prayer, prayer, and more prayer.