Unattached Enough to Care

Sometimes I get a little concerned about myself during this whole CPE thing. I love it. My pager goes off and I get excited about the opportunity that awaits me either in a patient's room or in one of the units. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not thrilled about someone being in crisis, but the chance to be a comfort to someone is exciting. My concern comes when I seem to be emotionally unattached. It's as if I am picked up and set outside my self in order to be the strength of those in need.

I have had several instances where patients have stopped breathing and a Code Blue was called which automatically sends a buzz to my pager or when someone in a particular room just wants to talk to a chaplain. Both are opportunities that God has given me that I might minister to the needs of those who call.

Sitting in a conference room awaiting the doctor's visit that will bring the news of the death of a loved one is not a fun place to be. However, being able to wrap my arms around a grieving mother or father, wife or husband, son or daughter and praying with a receptive family allows me to feel God is using me in a very special way.

Are there right words to say in all circumstances? No way! I got run out of a room the other week because to the one whom I visited, I was perceived as the shadow of death and no way was she ready to see me. But, that's ok, too. It just allows me to realize the vastness of what chaplains have to do.

What shocks me more than anything about being a chaplain, is how you can remove yourself from the situation enough to be a comfort and stronghold for a family who has just lost a loved one or of a family member who has been involved in some sort of crisis. But, I think God has protected me to this point. My calls have mostly been to expected demises. It is still tough times for family members, but because I am not emotionally attached I am able to give them the strength through my faith when maybe their's may be weak.

I have yet to be called to the Emergency Department or any other department for the death of a child. That may be the day I crumble. But so far God has provided me the strength I have needed to minister to hurting folks. Thank you, God, for allowing me to do what I feel is what you have called me to be and for allowing me to be unattached enough to care.